


Hotel Happenstance

by violasarecool



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-14 12:52:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violasarecool/pseuds/violasarecool
Summary: when Karkat confronts the occupants of the hotel room below his about their loud guitar music, he doesn't expect to see them again, much less for them to have friends in common





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> originally intended to be a longfic, but i haven't worked on it in a while, so i figured id just clean it up a bit and post it

So today wasn't going so well. Actually, this week wasn't going amazingly either—but the electric guitar coming from the floor below? Not helping.

"Hey, asshole!" Karkat stormed down the stairs, bearing down on the guy in shades (in shades! inside!) holding the electric guitar. "It's the middle of the fucking night, why don’t you turn off your vomit-inducing noise-maker before you break every eardrum in this goddamn hotel."

The guy raised his head, presumably to look at him. Not that Karkat could tell under the _fucking shades_. “Don’t waste your breath, this thing’s not even plugged in,” he said, gesturing at the cord trailing from its base. Karkat frowned; the music was still playing. “I don’t even play guitar, dude.”

"Then who the hell—"

He pointed across the hall, and Karkat saw an open door, noticed for the first time a light, high-pitched voice drifting over the strumming of another guitar. Karkat narrowed his eyes. “So you’re just sitting in the hall listening to a stranger play guitar. Don’t you think that’s even a little bit creepy?”

"Yeah, you’re totally right, I should have thought of that before dating a total stranger for like 3 years. I’m like a goddamn stalker, making out with this girl I don’t even know."

Karkat gave him a disgusted look. "Excuse me??"

The guy sighed, and glanced toward the door as the music stopped, and a girl stuck her head out the door. “Dave, are you done yet?”

"Hey Jade, dude here doesn’t like your guitar playing."

"Oh!" Jade glanced at Karkat. "I can play quieter if you want… actually, if someone would hurry up and help bring the rest of the stuff in, we can close the door,” she said, shooting him a glare that seemed only half-serious.

"If you had even just half of the useless shit you carry everywhere it would go a lot quicker," Dave said.

"It’s not useless, it’s essential sound equipment!"

Karkat looked between them as they bickered, then sighed. “Fucking... nevermind,” he muttered, turning away.

Dave watched Karkat trudge upstairs. “…You totally could have kicked his ass, though.”

"Uh huh, and we could have also been kicked out by a security guard for starting a fight in a hotel. Smart plan, Dave."

"I could handle it."

"Suuuure."

* * *

He saw them again in the buffet line the next morning.

"Oh, hi!" Jade waved a handful of silverware at him, a plate full of ham, sausage, and eggs in the other.

"Uh, hi," Karkat said shortly, clamping his teeth down against a yawn.

"Sleep well?"

Karkat grabbed some toast. "Yeah, fine."

Ahead of Jade, Dave glanced behind him and noticed Karkat. "Oh hey, shouty's back."

"Dave!" Jade punched him lightly. "Don't call him that!"

"Ok, ok, it was just a joke," he said, waiting as Jade reached for a glass. "Pretty sure I never got your name," he said to Karkat, who had just shoved his silverware in his mouth, one knee balancing his plate as he poured himself coffee.

He shoved the coffee pot back on the table and retrieved the silverware. "Karkat."

"Cool. I'm Dave, that's Jade."

"Right." They reached the end of the buffet, and Karkat made to walk away.

"Are you here with anyone?" Jade asked, and he turned. "You can totally come sit with us."

He wrinkled his nose. "Look, I don't know why you're pretending to be so goddamn nice, but I'd rather just sit by myself _if that's alright with you_." He strode toward an empty table without waiting for an answer, dropped his plate on the white tablecloth and flung himself into a chair. _God_ , it was too early in the morning for small talk.

As he munched on a tea biscuit, he skimmed his phone messages. One from his dad, telling him he'd forgotten his toothbrush (not true—it was one of two spares). Eight from his uncle Kankri, but he wasn't going to check how many thousands of words they consisted of quite yet. And... Karkat let his phone fall to the table. _Ugh._ 612 Skype notifications from that group chat that Terezi started. He nudged the phone farther away with the tip of his knife as it lit up with another notification. He didn't even know anyone in the goddamn chat, and he'd left it several times, but Terezi just kept re-adding him. And the last time he'd dropped a message into the fray to call some guy called centaursTesticles out on his bullshit, it had turned into a three hour debate on classism.

He finished his coffee, and gave the phone a doleful look. It could wait until later, he thought, pocketing it. He hadn't even explored the town yet.

* * *

A few hours later, he trudged through the revolving door, eyes on the floor. As he walked past the reception desk and toward the stairs, trying to ignore the chatter of people standing clumped around the halls, he contemplated eating the rest of yesterday's pasta for lunch. He didn't really feel like going out again anyw _Wait a minute._

A familiar voice drifted toward him, and he turned to see the bare back of a woman in a strapless dress, short hair down in familiar twists. Was that—"Kanaya?" Karkat stared as she turned, a smile appearing on her face when she spotted him. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, hugging her.

"We're here for a concert," she said, and as they let go, he noticed Dave and Jade standing behind her.

"You're going with them," he said flatly.

"Uh, not exactly..."

Karkat noticed a girl with short, lavender hair standing beside Kanaya. "Is she with you too?"

Kanaya glanced at her, an embarassed smile creeping onto her face. "This is Rose," she said.

"Nice to meet you," Rose said, holding out a hand. Karkat shook it reluctantly.

"They're dating," Dave added, "in case that wasn't clear."

"Thank you, Dave," Rose said drily, though her cheeks darkened slightly, "good to know we can always rely upon your subtlety."

Karkat stared at Kanaya, who looked sheepish. "I was going to tell you."

"Were you? Were you actually?" Kanaya fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "I mean, I get that you're embarassed or whatever, and maybe you didn't want to broadcast it to the world, but you could have at least told your best fucking friend."

"BFF," Dave said, mouth twitching up at the side. 

Jade elbowed him. "Dave, please."

 "What? Just trying to break the ice, since sky just dumped a giant payload of _awkward_ out its fat ass."

Karkat rounded on him. "Would you shut your trap for more than five seconds? This doesn't concern you!"

"Dude, so she's dating someone," Dave said, shrugging, "it's no big deal, happens all the time."

Karkat took a step toward him. "I _said_ it's none of your fucking business."

Dave raised his eyebrows. "Rose is my sister, so uh, yeah, it kinda is, actually."

Jade glanced between them, her mouth a tight line. Beside her, Rose rolled her eyes. "Drowning us in testosterone will not in any way help the situation, Dave."

They didn't move, and Jade stepped between them. "Stop it guys, let's not get kicked out of another hotel."

"Another?" Karkat demanded. "What kind of shit have you gotten into??"

"It wasn't our fault!" Jade protested, "we had the right clearance, they just—"

"What if we got lunch." 

Kanaya's clear voice carried over the chatter, and they turned to look at her. "All of us," she added.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Jade said, glancing around.

"What are you talking about, that's a terrible idea," Karkat retorted.

Kanaya shot him a despairing look. "Please, Karkat."

Karkat glowered at the floor. He sighed. "Fine."

"I know a good Thai place," Jade offered. "If that's ok," she said, glancing at Kanaya.

"Sure," Kanaya said. Rose nodded, and Karkat shrugged. Sure. As they walked out the hotel doors toward a stationary taxi, he pulled out his phone, and started typing.

Rose and Kanaya got in; Dave gestured at Jade. "Come on."

Jade glanced at Karkat. "There's not enough room for all of us. Karkat, why don't you go with them, we'll take the next one." Dave shrugged, and stepped aside; Karkat got in next to the driver as he hit send on his phone, and slipped it back into his pocket.

The door slammed closed, and the taxi driver pulled away. Behind him, he heard Kanaya shift slightly, watched out of the sideview mirror as she pulled out her phone. A moment later, he heard a murmur from Rose, and he knew they had seen his message. Then, his phone vibrated, and he snatched it back out of his pocket, unlocking it with an impatient swipe.

Karkat:    <Sorry for blowing up at you, but you know it wasn't about Rose.>  
Kanaya:   <Do I really>  
               <Good to know that even when I dont know something I do in fact actually know it>

Karkat snorted.

Karkat: <Hilarious.>  
          <But if you could turn down the sarcasm that'd be great, because I'd like to be clear here for a second.>  
Kanaya: <Okay>  
          <So>  
Karkat: <Shush, I'm typing.>  
Kanaya: <Alright>  
Karkat: <First of all, I don't have a problem with you and Rose, OBVIOUSLY, it's your fucking choice as to who you date, and really, who am I to be questioning your romance choices, I mean look at the mess that's my dating life.>

Partway through typing the next message he glanced in the mirror, and saw Kanaya smile.

Karkat: <But seriously, you couldn't have taken the time out of your busy life herding uneducated asswits into an elevated state of fashionability or whatever to even send me one message telling me, oh hey, you're dating someone? I mean how is it that some girl and her dick of a boyfriend know before I do??>  
Kanaya: <Well>  
          <He did say this already>  
          <Hes her sister>  
Karkat: <Sorry if I wasn't paying attention to>  
          <Oh.>  
          <Okay, that's a SLIGHTLY better excuse, but still.>

The taxi pulled up in front of a Thai restaurant, and Kanaya shoved a couple of bills at the taxi driver before Karkat could get his wallet. As he got out of the car, his phone buzzed twice more.

Kanaya: <In my defense>  
          <Theyve only known since rose asked if she could bring a date to jades concert>

Karkat stared at the text for a moment, then at Kanaya, whose phone dangled limply from her hand. "Jade?" he demanded.

"Yes, Jade," Kanaya said, biting her lip. "What—"

"Jade is a goddamn rockstar?"

Behind Kanaya, Rose snorted. "I would not put it quite like that."

Karkat waved a hand. "What the fucking ever, you know what I mean, but it's her concert?"

"Yes," they both said.

A second taxi pulled up, and Dave got out, pausing to hold the door for Jade. "Your five star restaurant, m'lady," he said, waving an arm at the Mcdonalds across the street. "Pick any heated up frozen meal, get it triple deep fat fried on the house."

"I hope they cleaned the house first," Jade said, waiting as he closed the taxi door.

"All such establishments come with self-cleaning roofs for occasions such as these," Rose said, as Jade and Dave stopped in front of the other three.

"Oh, so that's where all their budget goes, then," Dave said. He glanced up at the restaurant sign in front of them. "This our stop?"

Kanaya nodded. "Yes."

They approached the door, Kanaya leading the way inside. Dave and Karkat reached the inner door at the same time, and Dave stepped back. "Ladies first," he said, smirking as Karkat shot a glare at him, and Jade followed with a sigh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> karkat has a brief convo w rose, and we finally get a peek inside the dreaded group chat.......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while not all the trolls appear in this chat, these are all their skype names, for reference:
> 
> aa - aradia  
> peter_and_the_lost_boys - tavros  
> Ψii - sollux  
> Karkat Vantas  
> the pouncellor :33 - nepeta  
> H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY - terezi  
> Kanaya Maryam  
> Mindfang - vriska  
> centaursTesticle - equius  
> ･* ｡ﾟ ☆ motherfuckin miracles ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ - gamzee  
> Dualscar - eridan  
> feferi

Karkat checked his Facebook when he got back to the hotel that afternoon; sure enough, he had a new contact request from a 'Rose Lalonde'. He hovered over her name for a few seconds, then sighed, and clicked 'accept'. There was no getting out of it now.

Almost immediately, a new message appeared.

Rose Lalonde: Good evening.  
Karkat Vantas: If you're here to have a go at the new guy, you can fuck off right now.  
Rose Lalonde: That was not my intent.  
                      I was simply hoping to better acquaint myself with Kanaya's best friend.  
                      Attempts at communication are not at their most fruitful when hampered by male headbutting.  
Karkat Vantas: What the hell is that supposed to mean?  
Rose Lalonde: Only that you don't seem to get along with Dave.  
Karkat Vantas: You can say that again.  
Rose Lalonde: Although I'm sure that will improve with time.  
Karkat Vantas: I really doubt that.  
Rose Lalonde: Mm.  
                      I don't blame you of course. My dear brother can be a bit much at times.  
                      Sometimes I swear he's just trying to be as much of an ass as possible.  
Karkat Vantas: Hah  
                      Okay, maybe you're not as bad as I thought.  
Rose Lalonde: Thank you.  
                      I do strive to achieve the least horribly inept version of myself.  
Karkat Vantas: .........  
                      It's your fault Kanaya's suddenly so sarcastic all the time, isn't it.

A flash of yellow at the bottom of his screen interrupted him. _For fuck's sake._ He brought up Skype with a sinking feeling—1,111 new messages from the group now titled "RUMPUS PARTY DELUXE EDITION" _._ Just in the past week the title had also been "Fruity Asshole Factory", "fucking memers", "(  ͡ °  ͜ ʖ  ͡ ° )", "fuck you i do what i want", and "THE NEXT PERSON WHO CHANGES THE CHAT NAME IS GETTING BLOCKED". And he probably missed a few. Karkat dragged the scrollbar to the bottom, swearing as the program froze twice in the process. _Time to get this over with._

feferi  
What?

peter_and_the_lost_boys  
i, uh, don't think that's a good idea..........

the pouncellor :33  
aa dont you think you should at least give it a try? it could be fun!!

Dualscar  
just message me later this place is a fuckin mess

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
YOUR FACE ISN'T A GOOD IDEA >:|

aa  
wow

aa  
also maybe

Karkat Vantas  
Alright, break it up, pack it in, arms and legs inside this runaway train before someone breaks their neck on the towering pile of drivel.

Ψii  
lmao look at who's gracing us with his presence

the pouncellor :33  
hey karkat!!

Karkat Vantas  
Yes, hello, greetings, trite well-wishing etcetera.

peter_and_the_lost_boys  
hey, karkat,

Karkat Vantas  
Also let's just make sure to start this off with a fervent fuck you.

peter_and_the_lost_boys  
oh............

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
WOW KARKAT

Ψii  
cool

the pouncellor  
i dont think he's talking to you, tavros

Ψii  
lol

Karkat Vantas  
Oh my god.

Kanaya Maryam  
Hes not talking to you

Karkat Vantas  
This is exactly why I didn't want to get into this damn chat in the first place.

Kanaya Maryam  
Also hey karkat

Karkat Vantas  
CAN EVERYONE SHUT THEIR TRAPS FOR JUST A GODDAMN SECOND

Ψii  
here it comes

Karkat Vantas  
Including you, asshole, or so fucking help me, I will tape it shut with duct tape.

Ψii  
how exactly are you planning on doing that over the internet

Karkat Vantas  
I don't know, maybe I'll climb through your computer like the alien bursting out of Kane's chest and hold your mouth shut until you FINALLY stop injecting unwanted opinions??

Ψii  
so you're going to just. hold my face. that's almost sweet.

the pouncellor :33  
omg

Karkat Vantas  
Sweet?? I tell you how I'm going to literally DUCT TAPE your mouth shut, which, let me tell you, hurts like a motherfucker coming off, and your only reaction is that it's SWEET?

Ψii  
i mean it's kinda gay, yeah.

Kanaya Maryam  
Wait how do you know how much duct tape hurts

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
NOT AS GAY AS YOU

Ψii  
obviously not.

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
;]

Karkat Vantas  
ONCE AGAIN LET ME SAY: SHUT YOUR GAPING PIE HOLES.

Karkat Vantas  
(Kanaya, ask me later, privately, I'm not airing that dirty laundry here.)

the pouncellor :33  
:OOOO

Ψii  
oh man, what kind of kinky shit have you been up to

Karkat Vantas  
(Guess what: none of your goddamn business!)

Karkat Vantas  
Seriously, how does this chat even get so many notifications so damn quickly when no one ACTUALLY says anything? It's like 500 messages can go by and it's nothing but vapid bullshit.

Kanaya Maryam  
Okay

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
GEE, KARKAT, MAYBE WE JUST LIKE TALKING TO EACH OTHER???

Karkat Vantas  
And that's the other thing: How can anyone even tell what's going on when the messages go by so quickly, your response is always at least a few messages below the person you were actually talking to!

aa  
yeah its confusing sometimes

Karkat Vantas  
Thank you!!

centaursTesticle  
I would just like to say that I agree with Karkat, the state of this chat is unacceptable and makes communication very difficult

Karkat Vantas  
Oh god what's happening, is the horse-obsessed creep AGREEING with me?? I'm suddenly unsure about all of my life choices!

the pouncellor :33  
well i think it's fun! there's always someone to talk to :)))

feferi  
It's not really a chat for private conversations, anyway.

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
EXACTLY!

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
AND YOU WEREN'T EVEN HERE WHEN I MADE IT, KARKAT, YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE THE RULES

Karkat Vantas  
Oh so there are rules now?? Tell me, what officially drafted legislation has H3R 1MP3R1AL 7R4NNY given us????

Ψii  
well, number one, no sanctimonious douchebags.

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
THE RULES OF CHAT ARE AS FOLLOWS:

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
NO BEING EXCESSIVELY RUDE TO OTHER CHAT MEMBERS

Ψii  
so that's karkat out.

feferi  
Don't you think that applies to you too? 8P

Ψii  
what the hell, ff, don't side with him.

Karkat Vantas  
Well, would you look at that, that's another one on my side!

feferi  
I'm not taking anyone's side, I'm just saying!

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
ROLE PLAYING IS ACCEPTABLE AND ENCOURAGED AS LONG AS IT ISN'T USED TO ATTACK OTHERS, WHETHER DIRECTLY OR THROUGH INSULTS TO THEIR CHARACTERS; AND AS LONG AS ROLE PLAYERS DO NOT USE THEIR ROLES TO UNDERMINE OTHER CHARACTERS' BACK STORIES OR ESTABLISHED ABILITIES. ALL ROLE PLAYERS MUST ACCEPT THE RULE OF H3R 1M3R14L 7R4NNY AS FINAL.

Karkat Vantas  
Why are there so many fucking rules about role playing??

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
(WE STARTED OFF AS AN RP GROUP, DUH)

Karkat Vantas  
Oh.

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
(BUT SINCE WE LET MORE PEOPLE IN, THAT'S CHANGED A BIT)

Karkat Vantas  
Wait, so who used to role play? Don't tell me that "Ψii" is an rp name. What, did you create some kind of hacker character? Attacking other characters with "sick hax", while actually making a fool out of yourself and our entire profession?

Ψii  
nah, i joined later.

Ψii  
also i'm laughing at how quick you are to call it your "profession", you don't even have a job.

Karkat Vantas  
Yeah, well, maybe I'm not looking right now, did you think of that?? Maybe I don't want to accidentally get hired to the same building as you and have to deal with your presence every hour of the day.

Ψii  
dude, i told you, i don't even work in programming, it's just a hobby.

Karkat Vantas  
Of course you would say that online, where anyone could read it.

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
AHEM

Ψii  
lol what, this is a private chat, moron.

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
CONTINUING WITH THE RULES

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
UH

the pouncellor :33  
:?

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
I SEEM TO HAVE MISPLACED MY BOOK OF LEGISLATION

Karkat Vantas  
Oh no, that's just too bad, I guess we'll have to skip reading a million pages of fake judicial jargon! 

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
I'M GOING TO GO LOOK FOR IT, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
THE COURT WILL RECONVENE IN TEN MINUTES

Kanaya Maryam  
Wait what

Karkat blinked as the screen froze, then the chat disappeared, revealing Skype's home view. "What the fuck?" Karkat said aloud to his empty room. He scrolled down his list of contacts, but the chat was no longer there. _Did she just delete the entire chat or something?_ He wrinkled his nose at the screen. Whatever the case, it was nowhere to be found. Well, whatever. Clearly this was a sign that it was time to get off the computer.

...After he'd sent a message to Kanaya. God knows how she'd managed to miss the sleepover duct tape incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, a few handle things:
> 
> aradia likes her skype name (aa) bc it's her old handle abbreviation, and also looks like screaming. at one point she starts adding another a every day until it fills 3 lines
> 
> nepeta, terezi, eridan, and vriska have had the same skype name since they started rping. the first 3 just like their rp characters' names; vriska's is only the same still because no one else she knows still uses skype. (aradia and tavros changed theirs after a falling out with certain rpers).
> 
> kanaya uses her full name because she has family on skype; karkat just thinks it makes the most sense to use your actual name. duh. feferi changes hers for fun sometimes, but mostly sticks with her name.
> 
> sollux uses his account to collaborate with other programmers; Ψii (or just psii) is his alias in the programming community. he secretly thinks it's kinda cool. nerd.
> 
> equius doesn't want to disclose his full name to a bunch of strangers, and still uses his forum handle from back when the rp group congregated on a phpbb forum.
> 
> oh yeah, and gamzee? that fucker uses so many kaomojis. he uses his "name" to illustrate whatever he's feeling at the time. it's never confusing though, because like. who else makes their name an entire line of swirls and stars.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> karkat finds himself hanging out with jade & dave again (as well as rose and kanaya), and finds they have _another_ friend in common.
> 
> well. calling him a "friend" might be pushing it.

The next morning at breakfast, Karkat found himself at a table with Dave and Jade despite his objections, crowbarred into conversation that quickly lead back to their music preparations (for what, Karkat still wasn't entirely sure).

"Oh, hey, you've gotta meet our hot tech guy still," Dave said, taking a bite out of a piece of toast. Karkat rolled his eyes, but Jade looked amused. "He's just objectively a good looking dude, ok?" Jade raised an eyebrow at him, and Dave grinned and leaned over to her, kissing her on the cheek. "Hotter than you," he whispered, and she pushed him away, laughing.

Karkat had nothing else to do, so when they were done eating, he somehow found himself heading down a narrow hall, joined by Rose and Kanaya as Dave and Jade traded casual remarks about things that sounded vaguely technical. They stopped at the back of a small booth, and Jade knocked on the door. The door opened a crack. "I'm busy, what is it."

"Well we just wanted to say hi," Dave drawled, "but if you're gonna be like that, maybe we'll hire someone else."

"Hire someone else to juggle this mess? Not likely." The door swung open, and a skinny guy stuck his head out the door, sandy blond hair cascading over his brown face. He flicked it aside impatiently. "Sup." He glanced down at Karkat over his rectangular glasses. "Please tell me you haven't gone shopping for more incompetent tools, I already said I don't need any help."

"Nope," Jade said. "Sollux, this is Karkat, we met him at the hotel a few days ago. Karkat, Sollux, our sound technician."

Karkat held out a reluctant hand to shake, but Sollux didn't move. "What's your last name?"

Karkat regarded him warily. "Vantas. Why."

Sollux's eyes flickered wider for a second, then he started laughing. "Oh my god. I thought you'd be taller. And maybe older, what are you, sixteen?"

"I'm twenty-three," Karkat said, glancing at Jade, then Dave, then back to Sollux, nonplussed. "Do I know you??"

"Mm, I wouldn't say you _know_ me, per se."

"Then what the fuck—"

"I'm Ψii," Sollux said, tipping his head slightly back with a self-satisfied smirk. Karkat half-expected Sollux's glasses to blind him with anime shine effects.

"What."

Sollux sighed. "Like, with the little trident symbol then i i, which is technically redundant, but—"

"Yeah, I know."Karkat stared at him, brain trying to mesh this _beanpole_ with the image he'd built up of his faceless adversary in countless skype arguments. "You're an asshole."

"That's been my job description for a few years," Sollux said, grinning.

Dave held up a hand. "Ok, what? I'm really goddamn lost. _How_ do you know each other?"

"We don't," Karkat said.

"Online," Sollux said.

Dave cocked an eyebrow, and Karkat scowled. "No, not from a _dating site_ , you ass."

"I dunno, kk, you've hit on me more than a few times," Sollux said.

"No I fucking well haven't, and you know it!" Sollux only smirked. "And stop calling me that."

"Sure... kk."

"Wow, I could have sworn someone just spoke, did you hear that Jade? Kanaya? No, neither did I, guess we'd better just _move the fuck on._ " Karkat stalked away; Dave shrugged at Jade, who waved at Sollux before following.

"Is he always this... touchy?" Jade whispered.

Kanaya gave a noncommittal grunt. "He has his days."

"Dave," Rose said as they made their way back to the main backstage area, "while I'm sure you're simply _bowled away_ by Sollux's great beauty every day, why the overenthusiastic elogies to the nerd?"

"I said, he's hot stuff."

"It's a bit of a self-referential joke," Jade put in, rolling her eyes. "When we first asked Sollux to help out, people got him and Dave mixed up _all the time._ "

"Well, when you put it like that," Dave said, "we're _both_ pretty goddamn hot."

"It didn't help that when they found out, they started switching glasses," Jade said, shooting him a glance equally exasperated and amused.

Dave shot her a slow smile. "Just wait until we get John to bleach his hair."

"Dear lord," Rose said, shaking her head.

They reached the end of the hall; Karkat had disappeared, possibly into the washrooms. No one said anything as Jade pulled open a door that lead into a starkly lit hall. "I'm gonna test-run a few stanzas, if you guys want to listen from the audience?"

"Sure," Kanaya said, and Rose nodded.

Dave waved them over. "Right this way, ladies and—nope, just ladies." They followed a narrow hall that lead back into the auditorium through a side door. "Welcome to the snazziest joint we've ever played at," he said as he opened the door to rows of red velvet seats, a ceiling that sloped away to meet at the base of a chandelier that smacked of phantom of the opera.

"That _I've_ played at," Jade called, her muffled voice just reaching them through heavy red curtains that draped across the stage.

"The architect may have a royalty complex," Rose said, drawing her gaze from the sea of red to nod at the gold trim on the walls.

"It's fancy as _fuck,_ " Dave said, leading them to the middle of a row, "though the backstage shit is pree small. Not that I'm complaining." He collapsed into a plush seat. "This ain't our usual venue. There was a cancellation, last minute rush to fill the time, and somehow we got here." Dave crossed his legs on the seat in front of him.

"Very lucky," Kanaya said.

Footsteps echoed back toward the middle of the stage. "Can't we get the curtains open?" Jade called. "There's no switch up here."

"No problemo," boomed a voice, and Kanaya jumped, glancing around for its source.

Dave pointed at a box speaker mounted in the wall just in front of them. "Sollux Captor, the voice of god."

The curtains began to slide open, revealing Jade, fiddling with a cord at the base of her guitar. Dave began clapping. "Bravo, bravo, fucking amazing."

Jade took a hand from the guitar to flip him off. Dave tutted. "So rude."

A deep tone resonated as Jade tried a string; her fingers slid up the frets, the sound wavering in the empty auditorium. "Shred some high ones," came Sollux's voice, and Jade shifted her grip on the guitar, her fingers dancing higher, the notes spilling out faster and faster until—A screech split the air, accented by loud swearing over the speaker.

The noise faded. "Goddammit, hadn't checked the upper range yet," Sollux's voice boomed. "Should be good now, though." Jade held held up her thumb and forefinger in an 'ok' handsign. Her head dipped over the guitar.

Dave slid back in his chair, arms behind his head. "Listen up y'all," he whispered, "this shit is gold."

"It would be easier to listen if you didn't keep talking," Rose murmured.

A low throb of sound came into focus, a note that had started before anyone noticed. Jade's face was angled down so that shadow obscured her pale face as a second note joined its sibling, then a third. Rose glanced at Dave; his feet were on the floor now, chin on his hands, body angled forward. The notes had become a pulsing beat, throbbing against the steady rhythm they'd laid, pushing faster until—and she watched Dave's body mimic the motion, hands bouncing against his knees—a wave of sound crashed down, a rich chord layered with discordant harmonies that floated like shimmering oil on water.

On instinct, Rose glanced behind her, and saw Karkat leaning against the wall at the back, evidently having snuck back in while Jade was playing. His arms were crossed protectively across his chest, but his frown wasn't quiet as severe as it had been minutes earlier.

Well. From what she'd heard, Jade's music _had_ been known to work miracles.

Up front, Jade's fingers slid to a stop, and the sound faded slowly, light echoes of sound holding on long after the note finished. "I'm gonna leave it at that, save my fingers," Jade said, as Dave began clapping a loud, slow clap, which was joined seconds later by Kanaya and Rose. Jade smiled. "Thanks, guys."

At the back of the room, Karkat stood upright, hesitant to rejoin the others."Good, right?" came a voice from the shadows to his right, and he jumped, whacking his knee against one of the seats.

"Jesus shit," Karkat swore, glaring at Sollux. "Are you _trying_ to scare the shit out of me?

"Nope," Sollux said, mouth tugging up in amusement, "but now I kinda wish I had, you're jumpy as fuck."

Karkat narrowed his eyes at Sollux. "So. _Psii._ I guess I shouldn't be as surprised you're just as much of an insufferable tool offline as you are online. No wonder you and _Dave_ get along."

"Oh, really. That's rich, coming from a self-important asshole like you," Sollux said, crossing his arms.

"Is it though?" Karkat demanded. "This from the guy who puts _Greek letters_ in his handle because he thinks it's cool, who only replies to the chat to make sarcastic comments, pretending he knows everything about everything? You're way worse than me and you know it."

"Like hell I am, how would you even know what I say in the chat when you're only there like once a week, tops?" Sollux retorted. "You don't even have an attention span long enough to read the messages people send you when you're _there_."

"It's called a backlog, genius, I can scroll back and read your insipid diatribes whenever I feel like experiencing the sensation of my brain cells breaking down and leaking out my nose from exposure to so much sheer stupidity."

"That's funny, because if you _did_ read back, you'd notice I have plenty of _actual conversations,_ you know, like an _adult,_ when you're not in there throwing a tantrum like the world's ugliest baby."

"Oh, great, so it's just _my_ comments you pick apart," Karkat rolled his eyes, "good to fucking know."

"Don't get too full of yourself, sometimes I pick apart ct's snobby bullshit," Sollux said.

"Yeah, well..." Karkat closed his mouth with a huff as he mentally ground to a halt. _Fucking... centaursTesticles._ He snorted. "I'm not going to argue with that."

"No shit."

They stood in silence for a moment, only shuffing noises of boxes being shifted across the stage, directions called out by Jade. Kanaya was looking curiously their direction, and Karkat made a face before turning away, gave Sollux a narrow look. Then, they both spoke at once:

"Listen..."

"Truce?"

Karkat trailed off, Sollux's question hanging in the air as he eyed the hand Sollux held out. "What, you want to _shake_ on it like some kind of business deal?"

"Or we can keep bickering like a pair of 12 year olds too embarrassing to be let out in public," Sollux said flatly.

"No, yes, truce," Karkat said, hastily grabbing his hand and shaking it with perhaps more vigour than was necessary.

"Hey, Karkat," Jade called, and they both turned to see her standing at the edge of the stage. "We were all gonna head downtown for a few hours, do you want to come?"

Karkat glanced at Kanaya, who looked back expectantly. "...I guess?"

"Cool! We just need a few more minutes here then we're done," she added, turning back to say something to Dave.

Kanaya and Rose began to walk down the aisle toward Karkat, who quickly turned away from their curious looks. "Pretend this whole... _thing_ never happened?" he muttered to Sollux.

Sollux gave a decisive nod. "Yup."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CHANGED MY MIND there's a small epilogue now too........


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a final bit of skype chat

Ψii  
anyway, kk is tiny lmao.

the pouncellor :33  
really?? :OOO

aa  
wow you met irl

Ψii  
yeah.

Karkat Vantas  
I just scrolled up to see who you were replying to, and discovered that no one had replied to the chat in an hour. Why are you starting a conversation with "anyway", fuckface.

Karkat Vantas  
And I'm not even that short, duck you.

the pouncellor :33  
duck :????

Karkat Vantas  
*fuck

Ψii  
duck lmao

Kanaya Maryam  
Duck

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
GOOSE

Karkat Vantas  
Dear lord.

Ψii  
oh hey, i almost forgot

Kanaya Maryam  
Sorry karkat but youre kind of short

Ψii added Jade Harley ～♪ to the conversation.

aa  
what

Ψii added d stri to the conversation.

Dualscar  
who the fuck

Karkat Vantas  
Oh HELL no.

Ψii added Rose Lalonde to the conversation.

Karkat Vantas  
Terezi?? Did you authorize this???

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
YUP

Ψii  
oh what the hell, why not.

peter_and_the_lost_boys  
wait, what, what's going on,

Ψii added who you gonna call?? to the conversation.

Karkat Vantas  
What in the ever-loving shit, Sollux.

Karkat Vantas  
I offer you a goddamn olive branch and you repay me by unceremoniously stabbing its sharpened point through my outstretched hand????

Ψii  
lol and you call ME a drama queen.

d stri  
oh hey so this place is actually real

d stri  
thought you were fucking with me tbh

aa  
hello

d stri  
looks like karkat knows how to talk to other human beings after all

Ψii  
guys, this is dave. 

d stri  
sup

H3R 1MP3R1AL 7YR4NNY  
WELCOME TO RUMPUS PARTY DELUXE EDITION

Rose Lalonde  
Greetings.

Ψii  
turns out a bunch of us know each other, so here, now the rest of you can get acquainted.

Ψii  
go nuts

d stri  
awesome

Karkat Vantas  
Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the new names:
> 
> Rose Lalonde  
> who you gonna call?? - john  
> Jade Harley ～♪  
> d stri - dave
> 
> all of them have had more ridiculous skype names at one point or another; only a few years ago, rose's was Office of the Ancient Ones. jade generally keeps her name in it, but likes to decorate with unicode symbols of flowers etc. dave changes his whenever he feels like its ironic intent has gone stale; john uses his to make spur of the moment jokes then doesn't change it til his next one.


End file.
